The risk of being vulnerable

Originally posted on the Monkeytree website @ http://monkeytreecreative.com/2011/10/on-blogging-and-sharing-my-writing/

Sean reminds me, when I forget, that a blog is only useful when you actually write something in it. At the same time, I’m not sure blogging is something I’m going to enjoy. I write prolifically, but I’m picky about sharing what goes on in my head.

Nevertheless, I was sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Toronto last week, having coffee and conversation with a friend who I have a great deal of respect and affection for. We were talking about the many ways a person can get their voice out if they feel something they’ve written has value. He actually had his little black book with him (not THAT book, although I imagine he has one of those somewhere too). 

If you’re a writer, you know which book I mean – the one where you scribble thoughts and ideas that strike you as interesting, where you jot down sudden inspirations or random passages that come to you on the bus or while you’re people-watching in the park. We all have those – I tend to have about five at a time, and usually forget what I’ve written in them for days, weeks, even months on end.  Those books are an important appendage to anyone who’s a writer. I actually found myself ‘keeping score’ of the number of times he felt I said something worth writing down. (Four)

As we were talking, I asked him if I could flip through his book and read some of his ramblings. Now I recognize that this was a very cheeky and perhaps downright rude question – especially as I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be nearly as forthcoming with my own raw thoughts. To his credit, he only hesitated momentarily before pushing the book my direction and allowing me free reign. I admit it – I was impressed.

The whole experience got me thinking. His willingness to share his work with me, without pre-tense or explanation, made me squirm a bit. And after I jotted a reminder to reflect on this whole experience down in MY little black book (which at this stage in life, is actually a very unsexy spiral bound notepad with lined pages), I came to a few conclusions:

Putting your writing ‘out there’ (when it isn’t commissioned, requested or assigned), requires a certain willingness to be vulnerable. It means opening yourself to criticism, argument, maybe even disdain – sometimes with people you really desperately want to impress.

1)  You have to trust that when you do send your words out into the universe, people will respond to them honestly – and you might really love what they have to say, or you might not. You don’t get to pick. I can do this with work that isn’t personal to me – but I struggle to do it with anything or anyone that really matters.

2)  There are a million people out there who write and blog. In the past fifteen years, ‘writer’ has become a title claimed by anyone who can string two or three words together and call it brilliant. And those of us who actually make our living this way need to stick up for ourselves. There are some lousy writers in the blogosphere, writing a lot of really bad stuff. Surely I can at least MATCH, if not improve upon, some of the improper grammar, bad sentences, incoherent thoughts and overdone academic prose. On the other hand, those individuals are actually demonstrating their ability to be vulnerable, and I’m not. So really, what gives me the right to criticize?

3)  The older we get, the more we protect our reputation, our identity, our thoughts, our ability to be vulnerable. Sitting beside this twenty-something wonder, who’s open to possibilities and unafraid to share his thoughts, reminds me that I really should spend more time with twenty-something wonders! I hope when he’s forty, he comes to the same realization. I’m going to focus on some sixty-somethings next, because I imagine their vulnerability is of a totally different kind (any volunteers?)

My final thoughts in all of this are quite simple. If we Monkeys are going to expect those we ‘work with and for’ to sustain a blog… if we’re going to ask them to come up with fresh, new content… if we’re going to expect them to be vulnerable to their audience and post their opinions or ideas… then we really need to be brave and take that step ourselves.

Perhaps blogging will never really be my thing. But I will do it. Because Sean says I have to. And because I’m inspired by what you can gain when you’re willing to be vulnerable and trust that what you throw out into the universe will be valued, nurtured – and maybe even occasionally admired.